Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
