woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize