man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
