Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
