there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
