my being single is dangerous.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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