God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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