unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
