just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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