you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize