GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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