i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
