Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
