I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
