what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
