Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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