You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
