im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
