$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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