I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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