I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then my night got REAL pukey
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
