I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize