I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
