Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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