I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
