what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
