If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
