i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
