The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Holy shit dude........stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
