How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
