Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
