It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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