dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
