i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
