I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
