I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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