2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize