I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
