i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
