can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
