well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
