Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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