so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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