just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
