If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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