Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize