I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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