I bet he comes in French.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
