man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
