Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
