I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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