I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
