Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize