yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
