I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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