also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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