Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
