last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
