Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
