thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
