Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
COCAINE IS GR8
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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