I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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