Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
