i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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