She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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