i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
