So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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