Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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