Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
