just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you made out with another girl for some wings
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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