Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
