I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
