he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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