Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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