I am in a vortex of obligation.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
