And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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