i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize