I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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