you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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