I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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