HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
MIDGETS
????
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize