We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
