Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
