My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
