actually, I'm a sock model
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
