Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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