He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
