Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
