He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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