im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
