last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
