if i can run in heels then i can drive
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
