i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
