did you get engaged???
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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