Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
