I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
