I'm going to jail i love you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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