Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
