well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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