I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Enjoy the penises
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
