A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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