Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it hurts more in the daytime
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
