I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
