i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
