The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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