i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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