Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
