In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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