Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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