I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
