I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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