did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
