Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fuck appropriateness.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
