Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
