Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
