you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His hands were made for my vagina.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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