i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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