And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
