He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I want a musical about memes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
