so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
