Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
